Wednesday, December 12, 2001

Dear Diary,

I'll be homes for christmas...You can count on me. Please have snow...and mis-tle-toe...
And presents on the tree...

That's not a grammatical mistake you see, okay? I will really be homes for christmas. Lot's of homes to be in this holiday season...I have a, err...a big families, you knows.

I hope the sandiganbayan gives me a furlog...furl...a christmas vacation. All i want for christmas is to be with my families. And Desierto hanging by my chimney wall...

Thursday, November 08, 2001

Dear Diary,

I am so devastated. My good friend, and one of show business' institutions, Nida Blanca, died of multiple stab wounds. You can lose millions. You can lose mansions and power. But the loss of a friend can be irrepairable. I am saddened by the kind of depravity that makes such senseless violence possible, that kills the best and brightest among us. May she rest in peace. And may justice be served.

Wednesday, November 07, 2001

Dear Diary,

Today I arrived in the Sandiganbayan with conjunctio...conju...with sore eyes. It's true. You can see my really sore eyes on TV. My lawyer, that young genius Fortun is truly a brilliant lawyer. He asked the court to excuse me from the trial, and so i was excused. What a stroke of genius! Reminds me of my collge days. Ma'am excuse me i have LBM. Ma'am excuse me my dog ate my pants. Ma'am excuse me I have sore throat. If we play our card right, I will never have to appear court. Next time I'll try hepatitis. Then maybe athletes foot.

Sunday, November 04, 2001

Dear Diary,

i'm requesting the government to give me a few months leave. I need to go to the US knees hurt. That's right. It's hard to play tennis in my cell nowadays. And according to my doctors, they need to replace it with a prosthe...a prosti...a robotic part, which is not available in the philippines.

last night it was a blackout again. the whole of luzon. and according to NAPOCOR it's because of jellyfishes again. or squids. there must be really big mutant squids living near the powerplants. the blackout was so long and there was no aircon in my cell the whole night! such suffering for me! maybe they should form a task force to deal with this mutant squids and jellyfishes. in japan they have robots to deal with just this thing. it's true. i saw it on tv.

Monday, October 22, 2001

Dear Diary,

Loi found me in the bathroom this afternoon locked away with foam in my mouth and a blade in my hand. She tolds me "No! No! My husband! I know you were hit by various scandals, impeached, ousted from power, arrested, imprisoned, tried to do a comeback via mob but failed, lost countless appeals, charged with plunder AND LOST THE WEBBY'S! But this is not the way! Don't give up! Don't do anything stupid!"

I just stood there and then I slapped her. Yeah. I slapped her good you knows. I felt betterer. Sheesh. Can't anyone have a decent shave these days? Gosh.

No longer that disappointed about the webby's. It was all my fault. It was my mistake that I nominated my site in comedy. Hahaha. What was I thinking? I'm such a joker. I should have entered the site under government and politics. Or current events. I have very good opinions on current events.

And of course, other sites were very very good too. Nice design, and really entertainment medium, you knows. So to the other nominees, you're already winners. You beat the genius erap in web page making. Remember that when you tell stories to your grandchildren. But have children first. Have a girlfriend first. Stop webbing this and that so much and get a life, porgadseyk.

And to the judges, well, you're still cocksuckers. Goodbye.

Friday, October 19, 2001

So sads today. I just learned I lost the webby's. I'm not in the semifinals anymore. I'm eliminated anymore.

But maybe I had it coming. Haven't been updating the site. Have none of the cool flash animation kids want these days. None of that jambascript and the pretty colors.

It's the least of my problems, really. I'm already used to so much loss and humiliation. So to the judges and other contestants, congratulations and my thanks. You all deserve the webby's you fat, arrogant, overpaid, white-collar business criminal asshole cocksuckers. Miserable illiterate eye-candy masturbating self-aggrandizing self-worshiping faggots. Fucking pussies. You think bin laden is mean? Wait til you get a piece of Asiong you strutting, preening, posturing jackoffs.

No, I'm not sourgraping. I'm just a bit mads, that's all.

Tuesday, September 25, 2001

Dear Diary,

I hope people still remember me. All people talk about these days is that Been Laiden guy. Don't you knows I'm a has-been actor, has-been president fighting for my life and freedom here?

Everyone keeps talking about New War. Is it like Classic War without all that caffeine?

Anyway, I'm studying more and more about my lawyer's defense. Truly groundbreaking legal stuff: It doesn't matter whether I stole or not, THE POINT IS THAT THE LAW SAYING IT'S NOT RIGHT TO STEAL IS ILLEGAL (EVEN THOUGH I THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY WHEN I WAS A HOTSHOT SENATOR, AND SIGNED IT MYSELF). When all else fails, question constitutionallity. That's my style.