Monday, January 22, 2001

Dear Diary,

I'm no longer depressed. I've been busy. Writing, meeting, plotting.

My enemies are still out to get me. The ombudsman is charging me for plunder. Hindi ako susuko! Hindi ako pahuhuli ng buhay! I will not resign!

It's just like the movies,you know, when the hero is really really beaten up. But I'm not dead yet, you see. I will return of the comeback, and win in the end.

Wrote a mail to Nene Pimentel . I tolds him I'm still president. I'M STILL PRESIDENT!!! Yeh!!! You see, according to the constitution, since I never really resigned, Gloria is just acting president.And when the time comes that I am able to govern again, I can go back to being president, see? I'm so smart.

And then my ally, Senator Defensor-Santigago and Dilangalen, questioned the constitu...the conitu..con...they saids that Gloria being president is illegal. Hehehe. It's all part of my plan. Soon I will taste the brandy in MalacaƱang again. You're going down, Boy Davide.

Hehe. Hahaha. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Saturday, January 20, 2001

Dear Diary,

Todays I left MalacaƱang. But I did not resign you see, I would have wanted to give my resignation letter, in exchange for a deal. But I forgot which signature to use for this occassion and signed as Jose Velarde (doh!). So I just tore my letter. There was no time for another letter. They were already packing my TV with this keyboard thing.

I am no longer going to Australia. The drink is not as good in there. I will live and die in this country. I am going back to my beloved San Juan. My son is mayor there. I was mayor once there too, you knows. Surely the people still loves me there. And I don't have to pay them to love me. They really really loves me.

Sigh. I do not know what to do. No more secret bank accounts. No more of that stupid stock market playing. And from now on, no more sealed envelopes.

Maybe I will be in the limelight soon. Endorse brandy. Make a movie. Run for tonggress. Yes. Maybe soon I will return of the comeback.

I'll be back, I tell you. I'll be back.

Friday, January 19, 2001

Dear Diary,

What have I done to deserve this? I have been such a good leader and all.

More and more people are gathering at EDSA. And they're all doing it for free. They have a cool concert, laser shows and fireworks. I have only a few thousand of my beloved supporters in Mendiola.

Pretty much all of my cabinet resigned. So I can't mobilize anything. I can't even get out.

And then the military withdrew their support for me. Oh my gulay. They have the air force, the army, and the But I still have the Coast Guard

I feel so lonely. Oh mommy, mommy, mommy. I wanna cry.

And then the supreme court declared my seat vacant.

Maybe I should resign already. I've heard Australia is good this time of year...


Thursday, January 18, 2001

Dear Diary,

By golly! They're writing songs about my exploits!

Wednesday, January 17, 2001

Dear Diary,

Yet another of my friends has turned on me! This time it's that little kuto Nora Aunor! How dare she! Why did she have to tell them our problems? Demmit. After allowing her to do an MTV of 'Bangon Na?' Some friends!

You know, that's the only reason I tolerated Gloria -- she reminded me of Guy. But now...

Wait a minute! I get it! That wasn't Guy who made the statement! It was Gloria in disguise! She probably did he make-up to make her look dark like Guy! I am sooooo smart. ehehe No wonder I'm still president.

Tuesday, January 16, 2001

Dear Diary,

I have to make it clear. There are reasons why I don't want that second envelope to be opened. There are secrets there which should not be brought to light.

It is not true that the second envelope contains my grades from the Ateneo.
Dear Diary,

I am so happy. Truly this is a triumph of truth and justice. The senators voted to NOT open that folder that they say will prove my guilt. YES!!! Score!!! Homerun!!!!
Wooo-hooo!!!

My thanks to my good friends in the senate. May their names live on forever in history:

1. Juan Ponce Enrile (you the man!!!)
2. Nikki Coseteng
3. Gringo Honasan
4. Tessie Aquino-Oreta (who's your daddy bitch? dance for me baybeh!)
5. John Osmena (apir!)
6. Ramon Revilla
7. Blas Ople
8. Francisco Tatad (your motion caused commotion ehehehe!)
9. Miriam Santiago (your vote proves your sanity!)
10. Robert Jaworksi (legend ka talaga!!!)
11. Tito Sotto (ayos na!)

Sunday, January 14, 2001

Dear Diary,

That !@%&* Inquirer!!! They made that Hilarious Davide the Pilipino of The Year! That old fa...I mean, I am so much more masa and more gwapo than him. And all he does is say those funny latin words and bang the table with a hammer. Tjose ungrateful whelps in the Inquirer...after giving them so many sales and so many stories they do this to me?

Saturday, January 13, 2001

Dear Diary,

I am so sads. Two of my friends, Yulo and Espiritu, testified against me. They saids I was a partner of Dante Tan and I profited from that BW scandal. But thats impossible, I tell you. I don't bet in the stock market. I don't get it. only numbers and lines and letters. Where are the cards and tiles? I never liked it. Can't you see? My friend Dante is the victim here, he lost millions, he was duped! It's all the fault of those black samurai. I shuld consider banning those stupid japanese cartoons...

And then my loves are starting to fly away. Good thing Loi will always be at my side, right?

Wednesday, January 03, 2001

Dear Diary,

It's been tiring. After the holidays, appearing on television right after the bombing and then for the new year message was tough. I can't sustain long speeches in English. Whew. I shouldn't be doing that again soon.

The impeachment proceeding started again. Demmet. They crossed-examined that Ocampo girl and that bastard Chavit. Muntik pa chumavit si pareng Estelito. ehehe bad joke. Sorry I'm tired. I just resigned as the Economic czar. Never understood what 'czar' meant anyway. Too close to Cesar Asar. Well, Narvasa did call me the Filipino Julius Ceasar. It's just too confusing for me.

I have to keep my energies up. Between the impeachment and the bombings, I can't keep track of which I'm involved with right now. (Saan nga pala ako uuwi ngayon?)

Tuesday, January 02, 2001

Dear Diary,

That @#$%^*! opposition. They imply that I am somehow behind all those bombings. I said I have bombshells, demmet, not bombs!

Whoever is behind this is afraid, and desperate. He's probably surrounded on all sides, with little or no alternatives. He's probably a crazy, gung-ho type son of a bitch.

How could I possibly be behind this? I can't do something like that and lie about it. It's like cheating on your own wife.